What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 04:05
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My family never makes their pension either.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I write beautiful poetry .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
What's your take on Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? How has it affected you?
I never cut or harmed myself..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Is it wise to choose your family over your honor?
As i do to all so called friends.?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ NEW WOMAN - analysis ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I said to her
One cannot live in the past .
How do you recognize when your mental health might need attention?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We were not on the streets..
What have you learned from your parents' mistakes?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
What is truer than that which is true?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But ive been too sick for many years..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Especially a lifetime of it.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Why do people still think Michael Jackson was guilty?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
What would happen if Kakashi and Naruto switched places?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I have no regrets .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Why are white women not interested in dating Asian men? Are they not attractive to you at all?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Which Bibles can one read and be confident they are reading the inerrant word of God?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But, we were locked up after school.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
This is soul school!.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My life is so biszare .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Comes on , in middle age.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was very sick at this time too.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She loved him until the end.
She married twice! .
Why did i forgive my father ?
So whats the point in blame.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Was to survive, this bastard.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
When she asked me how she looked .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Who then, do I blame.?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I think the readers, may guess!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I don,t even have a pension.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I couldn’t, believe it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was 9 years of age.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was scared of men, in general
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I waited trembling.
But it wasn’t much.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
What did i know ?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im still living with it.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And i lived it daily.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I could never make a relationship work though!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Put me off passion for life!!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
All the time i was locked up.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She found it foreign!.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
(And it was in our own minds.)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We all went to grammer schools
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Ive learnt so much.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She was in good health!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He knew the spot.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I will be 64.
It was going to be , some day.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was seconnd youngest,
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She wouldn,t have been !
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Would this be the day?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.